“There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.”
Sadness and death can creep up at anytime. I don’t think one can ever be fully prepared for either.
I know I wasn’t.
My father passed away rather quickly just a few weeks ago. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it and keep asking myself, “Why?”
I also can’t help but wonder if I shouldn’t have done more, taken action, asked more questions, pushed harder, spoken up, made inquiries, etc. Why didn’t I?
These are questions that plague me everyday. I try to convince myself that it was his time. But was it?
The grief that overwhelms me is constant and heavy. Day in and day out, I ponder and wonder how I’ll be able to go on.
So I bring back happy memories. Those days filled with good things, like birthdays and weddings.
“When a cardinal appears in your yard, it is a visitor from heaven”
Comfort During a Time of Grief
Everyone needs different forms of comfort and support when grieving. For me, it’s litttle things that don’t otherwise seem to matter.
Take the red cardinal for instance. A few days after my Dad’s passing, a bright red cardinal came and landed in the snow right outside my patio door. How it stood out in the snow!
I hadn’t seen a cardinal in the backyard for quite some time, so was pleasantly surprised.
A couple days later when I returned to work, a co-worker gave me the red cardinal, saying she had received one the year before when her father passed away. What a coincidence!
The appearance of a red cardinal has the spiritual meaning of a lost one who is thinking about you and sending you a message. That brought some comfort to me.
Using Herbs to Help With Grief
Deep rooted emotions of grief can be hard to cope with for everyone. Grief can affect people emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Grief also has the ability to affect you physically as well as mentally.
In these cases, we may need something more then just comfort to help us move through our grief. I needed something to help me fall asleep so I wasn’t constantly questioning my actions, or rather, lack of action before my Dad passed away.
So I turned to my plant allies.
Herbs have been around since the beginning of time. They have been used for many different things from illness to helping cope with situations such as loss, sadness and death.
Lets take a look at some herbs that have been used, and still used today as ways to help with dealing with grief and death.
Frankincense
The first herb/plant that came to me when thinking about grief and death, was frankincense. And for good reason.
Frankincense was one of the gifts from the Three Wise Men to the baby Jesus. It has been used for over 5000 years in religious ceremonies in a number of cultures and religions.
Frankincense is a resin that comes from the bark of the boswellia tree that is native to the Middle East and north Africa. It is extremly fragrant and has a sweet, citrusy aroma.
Spiritually, the smoke from the resin is said to call the angels and send prayers to heaven.
I feel at peace during that time of church, when the incense is burned. The aroma has a very calming effect for me.
Peppermint
We all know, or should know, the smell and taste of peppermint. It is all around us, from room sprays to candies.
Why? Because it is so uplifting.
Peppermint works to clear the mind and regain focus. It helps us to keep going in times of grief.
If you would like to take a little journey with the plant, here is a guided meditation with peppermint from herbalist Correne Omland, from Spiraea Herbs.
Motherwort
This herb is dear to my heart because it grows abundantly on my parent’s farm.
As it’s name suggests, Motherwort is there to comfort and protect. This is the plant you want to go to when you just can’t do it anymore.
It’s latin name, Leonurus cardiaca, means “lion hearted”. Strong and heart centered is what this plant offers.
Motherwort is a member of the Mint family, just like peppermint. It doesn’t have the pleasant aroma like the other mints, but it is strong and robust, and will grow almost anywhere, like most mints.
If you would like to learn more about how Motherwort can help you, check out my blog post, “Motherwort – It’s Uses & Benefits“.
Rose
The rose is probably the most highly recognized plant for uplifting one’s spirit.
It has always been a symbol of love and forgiveness.
I like how a blog post from the Herbal Academy describes the thorns: “The thorns are not to wall you off from the outside world, but instead, they express the complexity, beauty, and darkness that accompanies grief.”
The rose has the capacity to help us see the love, comfort, compassion and kindness in the world around us.
Hawthorn
Hawthorn is the classic heart tonic remedy in Western Herbalism.
It’s red berries are best known for helping the heart.
It is also known as a mild sedative and can help calm one’s nerves.
Hawthorn encourages one to find hope, love and longevity in the journey forward.
When our spirit becomes weak and frail, hawthorn will help in restoring strength once again.
Hawthorn can bring back the confidence and help one to not live in fear of death.
Here is a short podcast with more info on hawthorn from HerbRally.
Other Herbs
There are many other herbs and plants that can help with grief as well. The list is rather endless, as all plants support us in so many ways.
Here is a list for you to reference:
- Skullcap
- Lavender
- Tulsi
- Chamomile
- St. John’s Wort
- Wood Betony
- Borage
- Bee Balm
- Lemon Balm
- Blue Vervain
- Linden
Handling Grief
Grief enters our lives in so many ways. It can come as a loss of a loved one, loss of a job, health issues, arguments, etc.
The important thing to learn from grief, is how to handle it in a healthy way. Know what your limits are and how much you can handle.
Never be afraid to ask for help, or ask someone to just listen to what you have to say.
Taking a walk in nature or meditating can also help take away some of the sadness you may be feeling.
Just know that grief is a part of life and bonds us closer together.
Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses.” -Martine Prechtel
References
https://herbandroot.com/blogs/collections/frankincense-myrrh-more-valuable-than-gold
http://www.flowerfolkherbs.com/articles1/frankincense-a-sacred-resin
https://www.happiness.com/magazine/health-body/essential-oils-for-grief/
http://northforestfarms.com/2021/10/07/good-grief/
https://www.evolutionaryherbalism.com/2018/07/13/herbs-for-grief/
